JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DOESN"T LOVE ME

Oh Justin.... why? Why do you deny me?

Had to start off with a little bit of silly because I need to purge some deep thoughts here. May get a little.......blue.

So, this "return home and get better" experement was/is a total failure. What has past is past but the echos still linger. I am having memory floods that get triggered by the slightest thing. Sometimes they are memories that I repressed for a reason.
I lived here for the first 25 years of my life. Those were not the best of times. They were spent feeling funny and distant. A boy uncomfortable in his own skin. Someone who abused himself to feel something physical to balance the emotional pain. He was a sad, lonesome boy.
I didn't sleep last night as the last shards of addiction ravage my system. I sat in the same chair looking at the wall for 8 hours. My mother woke up and was pissed off that I was up before she and her husband went to work. I had been sitting there in a coma of depression all night, drinking a bottle of wine in the dark.... wanted to talk to Mom and let her in on some of what is keeping me a step from suicide.... and she didn't care.
I wanna sleep. Tried going through photos.
There are so few pictures of me. Most pictures focus on my sister's relationship with her husband and their kids... or Mom's relationship with Peter. I kept looking through the boxes, shocked that I wasn't in any of these pics.... then the realization.... I was always left behind because "someone has to take care of the dogs." or "You wouldn't be anything but bored, Eric."
My family has families of their own and I am not part of them. The only family I have is Kevin and Padme, Jen and Josh. My SF life is when I found myself and like a fool I lost him.