Is This Thing On?

Hey Kiddos....

Things continue rolling along as usual. Being home is not the blessing I'd thought it would be... and to be honest, I am farther from home now than I'd imagined I would be.
The thing that saddens me is how easily people let eachother go. You enjoy a friendship with someone and love them... then one day it just doesn't hold together anymore. This is a common thing that comes up in my life. I've been told I am clingy and I've been told I am the best friend a person could have, and often both by the same person.
I have been out of SanFrancisco for three weeks and already I notice that some people have forgotten how to respond to emails.... I find that people I grew up with here would rather watch tv than hang out.
The lesson I am learning is to offer much less to people and save more for myself. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, You're cool, FUCK YOU!
Sarah has been my friend for years. She and I seem to have come back here at the same time for a reason. We're offering eachother strength, advice and a fuck load of laughs. She is, hands down, one of the finest human beings around.
We went out last night after spending the day dying in 105degree heat (and humid too, so my balls were around my knees).... went to a bar down the street from her place and got hammered! I have not laughed so hard in ages...

RANDOM GIRL - Cindy is going to put some Usher on the juke box
ME - Cindy is a whore!

Everyone in the bar heard me and after a tense moment the whole place bust out laughing and suddenly some guys were buying Sarah and I another round.
Sarah, being a sexy, sexy gal also ended up scoring us a bag of weed and some good blow. We went back to her place and got fucked up... I drew her a beautiful fairy which she hung up in a frame... we talked about what dirty things we wanna do to David Beckham (get vanity fair!) and eventually crashed out two very happy fools.
She is going to be going to school for skin care and the place she is going offers a massuse program. Both of us have ADD so we are going to co-habitate for a year and help eachother get through it..... that is if I can handle this place another year.
I miss Jay.
Why Didn't I realize how much this boy loved me? Why didn't I love him back?!?! We are having a beautiful email thing at the moment... but I want to be more connected.
I miss Padme.
I MISS PADME!!!!

Anyhow.... Rufus Wainwright went to boarding school here. This song is about the area I am in. Good old Dutchess County.

The boys and girls of Millbrook
Are on a train from New York
Wearing new hats
Shooting the shit
Deep in the heart of Dutchess County, Bounty
And all the evening breakdowns
Will soon be washed from their hands
The next very day, as they make way
Eating the apple to the chapel, Holy
Don't even try, they'll get away with murder
Sure as the rain washes away and brings thunder
Oh tell me you can see it
The gentle tower rising
Over the pines, out of a book
Zion mistaken for the state of Millbrook